curious timing for an appearance

I'm awake at 5:45 a.m. on a Sunday for no clear reason. I've been sleeping poorly lately. I blamed it on temporary work stress, then not eating well... and had a few disturbingly unrepeatable dreams that I blamed on alcohol and am definitely hoping do not persist. I'm normally such a fan of sleeping that this is baffling me.

I've also not been able to maintain blogging, if you notice the long lag between timestamps. Are these things at all related? Is my NYC lifestyle affecting me on a level I'm unaware of? Should I be concerned about my Id?

I've noted the pace of NYC before- here we're all working, working, going, scurrying, doing things. I have often classified myself as more of a think-er than a do-er, and sometimes appreciate that this town encourages me to do more. Here I feel it's less natural to step back and think, relax. Sometimes it does overwhelm me... but not entirely. My head is above water, but I do think I'm affected by the frenetic aspect of this town. We work. We drink. We wake up and think about work on our way there. We play hard on the weekends, always planning where we're going, what activity is next.

When people ask me how I like New York, I say I love it, for now. This Manhattan life feels to me like like an indefinite break from the real world, an extended childhood. It is unsustainable, though. You live in 200 square feet. You have no commitments outside yourself. You spend most of the money you work so hard for chasing the circus of pleasures that make up the city. You are often drunk. You meet many, many more people than you would elsewhere, but relationships are often fleeting and superficial.

Normally not one for big moves, I significantly changed the color of my hair yesterday. I'm not sure if this is portentous, or whether it's a fleeting itch that happens to coincide with a minor malaise. Guess we'll see.