re-entry

There's nothing like a 5-hour plane ride to catch up on the calmly-sitting-down activities one misses out on while busy with the daily distractions of life. I find that sometimes I don't find time to do these calmer activities I love as well; it is not until I have limited options that I return to the taking-in: periodicals, novels, reflections.

I'm headed back from a visit to my native Northwest. It's the first time I've been back since settling in in New York City. What an experience. I was badly in need of a break from a stressful work-heavy life. As soon as I set foot in Seattle, it was like resuming my life in a parallel universe- a glamorized one, where everyone is elated to see you every day, and you don't have to work for a living.

It has made me melancholy, however. I am having a blast with my current life in New York City, but visiting my old haunts and immersing myself back in my considerably heftier and deeper social circles that I developed over many years in Seattle makes me reflect upon my decision to leave. What if I had turned right instead of left at the fork in the road? It's not as if I left Seattle to return to it preserved the same- others' lives have evolved as well: relocation, newly single friends, changed careers, and babies are all things that I experience from afar by having chosen wings over roots.

The diversity and dynamism of New York City continues to delight me, but as a six-month resident I am by no means at home there. Returning to the place that formed me, the culture which gave me my values and sense of place in the world hit me more than I expected on this trip. In New York I learn to live and succeed among the A-types; I find myself proactively searching to find social and recreational opportunities in a sea broad with them, but which is not easy to penetrate in depth. The sheer magnitude is one thing; the added layer of the limited personal sphere (mine is about 215 square feet) within the grand urban circus also makes the contrast between a previously intimate social circle and the social experience in the dense mega-city- loud bars and restaurants full of slews of beautifully-adorned people who may be delightful and insightful but have no ties to you. It is only by passing thousands of these people on the way to the bar/bathroom/barista that you may meet someone you'll connect with in a way that's deeper than a bump, glance, or few lines of flirtation. There is no equal to having the joy and comfort of a deep social circle.

I also miss the culture of Seattle and the West Coast. Though I find myself fascinated by the directness and outgoing tendencies of New Yorkers, the richness of art and culture in the city, and delight in the depth of history and architectural richness that it offers in comparison to the west coast, there are plenty of differences I notice in terms of culture and values that make me miss Seattle. The idealism and cerebral nature of the northwest- there are a lot of people who genuinely aim to use their lives as tools for good in the world. There is more of an aim for personal success that fuels those in New York. It may be the circles I ran in in Seattle, but I miss the we're-in-this-together mentality of the (liberal and urban, yes) west coast.

And so I return to New York, with my rockin' East Village apartment location, 2.5 close friends, office full of corporate growing pains, transition, and layoffs, and increasingly scorching warm-season temperatures, and I wonder what my duration will be here. Will I feel like more of a local in another year, and not ponder the what-ifs I do now? Will I fall in love with a person / a group of people / my career/ a neighborhood that will make me feel rooted and calm and content, or will the bright lights and big city maintain my wonder for a while, but allow me to move on after a year or two?

On verra... But I shall continue to miss the air in the northwest with my every breath. If you have lived in another major city, you likely know what I'm talking about. Seattle air is incomparably clean and crisp and fresh, smelling like rain and healthy soil and feeling like therapy itself as it courses through your lungs on a cool evening. New York air isn't bad at all, compared to many European and American cities I've visited (sorry Rome, you were somewhat an atmospheric ashtray/stadium restroom)- but the Gotham air is a little stale and humid on a good day, and biting and blustery on a bad one.

Signing off in my re-entry to the bright lights, big city...