the beginning of the end

I've been getting together with friends a lot the past week- starting to say goodbye. It's hard, and I think it didn't actually set in until recently that I have so little time left.

I've been in serious denial about moving my stuff out. The liquidation of eight years' worth of Seattle possessions, enough to densely fill a decently-sized one-bedroom apartment, is no small or even remotely pleasant task, and I've been totally putting it off. There's something very depressing to me about deconstructing my home. My environment, perhaps as I'm a designer, I dunno, has always been quite important to my happiness, and I have a very hard time breaking down and tearing apart my own territory. I always tend to leave it until the last minute, stressing out and staying up late to finish packing at the end, so I don't have to live in a war-zone of half-packed house any longer than is imperative.

I think it's especially hard this time, given the extremity of the move. I'm not going to any definite domestic environs in NYC initially- no new personal space to look forward to as of yet. I'll be sleeping at friends' places until I find my own, and almost all of my Seattle apartment contents will be dispersed via friends and craigslist or go into storage here :( . I'm also trying to enjoy my last moments in Seattle and have been prioritizing social time over practical time. That's a major procrastination tool. Every night when I come home, most often late and tipsy, I look at the apartment and gulp a little.

I started going through things this weekend and feel a little better having started, but of course only after you open the can of worms do you realize the nature of its contents. Yikes. I got rid of a few boxes of books and cds and christmas decorations at my mother's house when I headed down to the going-away party she threw me this weekend, but it's only the very beginning and I know I'm going to be pulling some late nights in the coming week.

So if anyone wants to help pack glassware, or needs a good houseplant, or likes the challenge of coaching a distractable individual to organize, prioritize, and complete tasks, dial me. I'll be sitting on the hardwood floor in my sweats shuffling design magazines and ramekins around until 2 am every night.